Existential Inquiry

Last Thursday, my professor gave us a reflective exercise. Basically, you have to envision yourself going to your own funeral as a guest. We were to present a eulogy to all the people who visited your wake. At the end of the exercise, we were tasked to write what we saw and what we felt. The exercise was actually geared towards establishing our life’s mission statement in the future. This is what I wrote down:

First of all, I don’t intend nor do I expect to be brooded over by anyone upon my death. In this exercise, I honestly felt almost nothing. It felt like my final act of making people understand how finite life is. In this boundless reality that we speak of, we are not really that special. We all exist in a spur, as a knot on the endless thread of infinity. I am very well aware that my life is no more than important as anyone else’s. Sooner or later, people are forgotten. You probably will even forget your own if you do lose your consciousness upon your death. Wisdom on the other hand, is eternal. It is the crudest soul of all memories. It surpasses time and the capability of every living being to remember existence itself. My goal in my life is to discover as much of these raw truths as I can. I intend to imprint these on paper, on the minds of everyone I meet, and hopefully, on to the very core of mankind’s existence. That done, I’ll be contributing on our continuous quest on understanding ourselves and the reality that we all perceive. People may never know my name. They may even forget that I existed. Nevertheless, I will definitely be relieved if I leave something that will surpass the nature of death and the answer has always been under our eyelids, in the air that we breathe, at the very core of our nature as humans. That said, I believe that I can rest in peace knowing that the whole “reality” of which we speak of was better off having me in it rather than not at all.I didn’t really liked how this professor handled our class since he often contradicts himself. Nevertheless, it was a very interesting activity.


The Covenant

I remember the day I traded my humanity

for a bite of the apple you hold.

It tasted like a bittersweet flame

which engulfed my soul until I grew cold.

Now, the ecstasy of the apple is gone.

My eyes began radiating its own luminescence.

I rose from my grave and wafted back home

to finally justify my existence.

I brought back Prometheus’ fire

to the world I believed I held dearly.

But as the gates I forged begin to rust,

a ruthless void begins consume me.

I may have forgotten how sugar tastes like,

and gray is the only color I can still see.

But I can stomach such fragrant drought,

if I’d be able to remain free.

Or am I really free?


I sit alone somewhere isolated, far from noisy eyes, thinking. Existence. Yes. I exist. Or at least that’s what I think, and I was made to believe so. I wonder. How, of all the infinite possibilities of basically everything else, that I actually came to this so-called existence? Why? Why am I here? Just thinking about the microscopic chance that there is such a sentient being as me makes me restless. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll believe any claims on this subject at the moment. Such matters are still unresolved and are probably going to remain like so. The world right now seems like a tiny knot where all ends seem to meet, and each string of infinite length going outwards into oblivion. The concept of infinity is just too broad to grasp. This is the cause of my skepticism.  Moreover, people right now overuse this magnificent word without realizing its elusiveness to mere human understanding. If infinity has an extent, what is beyond it? If it doesn’t, does it simply go around? If so, on what plane does it go around on? There are countless questions and speculations to go around with. Thinking about this can really make you feel small and insignificant. You may be the most powerful man in the world, but coming to a realization that the earth, is nothing more than a speck on the solar system, the solar system a mere spot in the milky way, the list stretching into infinity, reduces you into something closer to nothing. Then again, what exactly is nothingness? It seems so familiar and yet so indefinite once again.


     I respect the diversity of people’s religious systems. I’ve been contemplating a lot on my religious views lately and asking myself the same question I’ve been trying to solve for months. How did I become an agnostic? Is it merely an inclination or a choice? After days of reflecting on this matter, I have come to a better understanding. Being agnostic is a decision I am truly accountable for. I’ve considered countless factors in understanding the sides of the presence and absence of divine intervention. It is impossible to either prove or disprove the existence of an omnipotent being. Given this thing which we call existence and guided both by reason and instinct, I am merely given uncertainty accompanied with an understanding of my diverse, multipolar potentials. I choose to think that I wasn’t promised another life beyond what I currently have, but I do not disregard its possibility. My reason is simple. The now is the only reality I am able to perceive, that I am willing to accept. Seeking life beyond the realm I am in disregards the existence that I believe I already have at the moment. It is more reasonable for me to work within this realm, striving to imprint as many positive footprints in it, so that at the time I depart this existence, it is conclusive that it is more beneficial for it to have my existence than not at all.